Only Dogs Can Hear

Down to work

For the most part it's all about fun and friendship and loving and affection and understanding and companionship and inspiration and all of that.  Every once in a while I'm reminded that lifelong partnership is work too.  This month has been a rare reminder of how important the work is.  Rare, but so completely worthwhile.  Unexpected, but so soothing.  I read this recently.

"We who go mountain scrambling have constantly set before us the superiority of fixed purpose or perseverance to brute force.  We know that each height, each step, must be gained by patient, laborious toil, and that wishing cannot take the place of working."~Holly Morris in Adventure Divas quoting Edward Whymper, first man to summit the Matterhorn

Thanks to K for scrambling with me now and for years to come.

Death and dying

First message in my inbox at 6am told me that the country director from my organization in Sudan died unexpectedly.  Complications from malaria.  It didn't hit me until I was on the metro, reading the first chapter in the 'Dying' part of the Tibetan Book of Living and Dying.  I found myself crying on the metro, suddenly no one wanted to make eye contact with me. 

"Often we forget that the dying are losing their whole world: their house, their job, their relationships, their body, and their mind - they're losing everything.  All the losses we could possibly experience in life are joined together in one overwhelming loss when we die..."

This guy was only around 50.  He has three kids.  It's unbelievable.  I called K to tell him he needs to be really careful until he gets back.  Being apart is always hardest in those moments when all I can think of is wrapping my arms around him and not letting him go.  For a very long time.

Two days in

I've been a government employee now for TWO WHOLE DAYS.  Today, on the way back home*, I found myself pondering the extent to which I may be compromising my ideals.  I don't particularly want to compromise my ideals.  On our evening Skype call last night, K reminded me that we knew there would be moments where I would question, seriously, making this move.  But that the only way to really know is to give this opportunity the same gusto I've given every other opportunity.  So here I am, seeing where this goes. 

*I use the term loosely here to refer to the place I am currently sleeping.  Which is lovely.  There is a great running route I've found and the friend I'm staying with happens to really like having people around.

Missing my yoga kula

My friend Tracy introduced me to a yoga studio here in DC.  I've already been four times.  I liked it as soon as I walked in.  It felt somehow familiar.  When I met the co-owner I found out why.  He and his wife, the other co-owner, moved here from San Francisco.  When they got here, they missed the West Coast-y yoga culture.  So they set about creating it.  Leaving my yoga community is one of the biggest drawbacks to this move.  And while the new place isn't a replacement, it has been really nice to find a place to practice. 

Back on my bike

I've never been so thankful for my bike helmet.  Also I've never so greatly appreciated the biking culture in Northern California.  Finally I've never been so annoyed by the "no bikes during rush hour" rule on the DC metro system.  Today I picked my bike up from the nice people who reassembled it for me.  Then the nice metro people wouldn't let me come into the station, but didn't tell me why until I begged for them to come out of their little glass room to speak to me.  Then I rode my bike all the way back to Aileen's apartment instead.  Not that it was so far.  On the contrary, it was only a couple of miles.  But I was a bit terrified by the devil-may-care attitude of the drivers toward me on the way.  Sheesh. 

A little pride

I moved out of our house all by myself!  I did it!  Now I get to go spend 10 days in DC with nothing else to do but walk around and read and soak up the relaxation.  I'll even have enough time to find a good yoga studio!  Wish me luck.  Will try to post Facebook Friday tomorrow.  If nothing else I'll post a Facebook Saturday.  See you in DC!

On my list

I'm sad that I'm leaving Northern California without having gone to the San Francisco Pride parade.  Pride weekend in San Francisco, legendary right?  And I missed it.  So that I could pack.  And get ready to move on.  I'm leaving Northern California.  This lovely place that has given me time to think, learn and heal.  Sigh.  K and I will just have to come back.  For the wine and for the Pride. 

Hmmm...

Search engines are a funny thing.  You never know what they might turn up.  I can say with 100% certainty that the person who did the Google search for "my large breasts" mtv youtube, was not looking for my website.  Yet Google brought him/her here all the same.  I suddenly feel like this site is no longer family friendly. 

Pretty lucky

I had my first you're-leaving-us-debriefing meeting with three women I work with yesterday.  Sitting there with them I was struck for what seems like the millionth time by how lucky I am to have landed in this particular job in this particular office.  Of all the situations I could've found myself in coming back to the US, this has been ideal. 

My boss, in asking about things I needed to finish by next Thursday, "I'm not calling it your last day because I haven't yet let that one sink in," made me feel good, welcome.  Still one of the team after I've resigned, left them quite "set aside" (to borrow my landlord's terminology), and after only a little more than a year.  I wouldn't blame them if they were furious. 

But they're not.  Each one of my colleagues is gracious, happy for me, a little sad to see me go.  Such a different experience than when I left Sudan.  I'm leaving this place having learned so very much, with many new friends, and many happy memories. 

It's official

I am FREAKING OUT.  Seriously.  I even considered waking K up from his most likely deep and restful sleep in Darjeeling to tell him the extent to which I am FREAKING OUT.  But instead of interrupting his dreams of beautiful mountain vistas and tranquil Buddhist stupas, I had to go to a meeting here at work about something that will not involve me in approximately one week.  ARGH!  Did I mention that I have to move from the west coast to the east coast and start work there in less than one month?  And that I should probably at least look like I have my shit together when I show up for my first day of work?  FREAKING OUT does not help me to exude an air of shit-togetherness.