Only Dogs Can Hear

Plinky saves the day again by asking me to rearrange global geography for my convenience and entertainment

It would be so wonderful if my parents and K's parents lived just a town away from eachother. Visiting would be so much easier. We'd get to see both sides of the family more often. They'd get to see us more often. They'd get to hang out together and argue over who has the cutest grandchildren. Bliss.

Plus...let's be honest...Grand Rapids could use a little diversity. Close proximity to San Antonio might decrease the preponderance of blond-haired, blue-eyed, Dutch reformed, Van Vandervans that pretty much own the west side of Michigan. I'm convinced it would, at the very least, be a fascinating social experiment.

Alternatively we could relocate Kandahar, Afghanistan right next to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. This should be done just around the time of Carnival. I think that would be completely hilarious. For obvious reasons.

Recently Plinky got all nosey about my go to "broke meal"

I still occasionally crave it, even though it sounds pretty bad:

When I was a student in Australia, I hit a rough patch. And by rough I mean I lived on about $40 (Australian dollars were not worth very much back in 1997) for a month or so. It was in the middle of the summer holidays and I wasn't allowed to work when I wasn't also enrolled in courses at the university. Man was I stressed when I saw my bank account.

I still had to eat though. So I bought a big bag of rice and an industrial sized bottle of ketchup. And yes, I lived on rice and ketchup for weeks. Fills you up. Has some semblance of flavor. Dirt cheap when considered on a per meal basis. Didn't you know that Reagan classified ketchup a vegetable for the purposes of school lunches back in the eighties? I was being healthy people!

During this period I also spent one night on a couch in a hotel lobby. It seemed like a good idea at the time.  Especially since I had spent the night before on the couch on someone's front porch.  Which seemed like less of a good idea.  Neither night was particularly restful.

Please get Jenny From the Block out of my head!

There are so many songs I'd like to get out of my head. I'm not even sure that these are the top three. Maybe just the top three today. And apparently I'm not feeling very charitable.

Jenny from the block by Jennifer Lopez

Seriously. I used to be poor, now I'm rich and famous but I'll never forget my roots? With Ben Affleck in the video? Pretentious much? Seriously. Horrible. Burns my ears.

All I Wanna Do by Sheryl Crow

So. F*&%ing. Repetitive. Makes me want to bang my head against a wall in time with the same same same line over and over and over. A little creativity Sheryl?

Proud to be an American by Lee Greenwood

Do I really need to explain this one? 'Where at least I know I'm free'? Free to...live with no access to medical care, with schools that happily reinforce anti-intellectualism? God bless indeed.

In private I covet a full sized Land Cruiser

Today's Plinky prompt: Hybrid Prius or Escalade with gold rims? (Why didn't it say something more like: Hybrid Prius or Land Rover Defender with bench seating. Now that's a hard choice.)

I guess I would have to go with fuel efficiency. I'm cheap like that. Plus I would be so embarrassed parking a hulking mass of a vehicle on a crowded city street. Might make me look like an ass. Seriously, if it didn't have to come with gold rims...and it wasn't an Escalade...and I didn't feel like a total poser driving a vehicle meant for off-roading when I never get more than 2 inches off the freeway...Escalade all the way!

A few things to do before I'm gone

Trek the Annapurna route in Nepal
Nepal is awesome, and the Annapurnas are supposed to be beautiful.

Do a 10 day vipassana retreat
I'm really interested in what extended silent meditation will turn up in my mind. How I'll react. I think it could be an amazing, or terrifying (probably both), experience.

Learn to do a scorpion handstand
Pure bragging rights.

Take my family on an Alaskan cruise
I really want to do an Alaskan cruise and I think it would be a great way to spend some very quality time with family.

Plant asparagus patches in the yard of every house/apartment I live in over the next 20 years
I think an asparagus patch is a beautiful thing to have (tasty too), and a wonderful gift to give.

One of the least inspiring movie speeches ever

Is this really what you wanted to say Hector? 'All my life I've lived by a code and the code is simple: honor the gods, love your woman and defend your country.' It's so...cliche and not a little tacky. I mean seriously, I laughed out loud while cringing ever so slightly and thinking for sure Eric Bana must've had a hard time saying it with a straight face.

The gift that keeps on giving...anxiety

For Christmas this year my sister gave me 'Mind Games: A Box of Psychological Play'. It just arrived in the mail this week. At first I thought it was something like the 'Mind Gym' that they're always advertising on NPR telethons. Not so much it turns out. Instead it's a set of picture tests, games and questionnaires with accompanying psychoanalysis. I started using it a little this weekend. Hmmm. So far I've had my marriage and my friendship skills analyzed. Doing the activities almost feels like too much pressure. What does that say about me?

Don't say 'vajayjay' around me

vajayjay
Seriously, I find this word completely ridiculous. I also find it ridiculous that it's become 'common' because OPRAH says it. Seriously? Why are we getting new and silly terms for the vagina from OPRAH? Why can't we just get comfy and cozy with the word vagina?

E-V-O-O
Ok, so it's not a word. I was on the phone with my mother a year or so ago and she said, 'just use a little E-V-O-O.' I said, 'what does that mean?' And she said 'oh that's what Rachel Ray says instead of Extra Virgin Olive Oil.' I'm not a great fan of assigning acronyms where they are clearly not needed.