Only Dogs Can Hear

Death and dying

First message in my inbox at 6am told me that the country director from my organization in Sudan died unexpectedly.  Complications from malaria.  It didn't hit me until I was on the metro, reading the first chapter in the 'Dying' part of the Tibetan Book of Living and Dying.  I found myself crying on the metro, suddenly no one wanted to make eye contact with me. 

"Often we forget that the dying are losing their whole world: their house, their job, their relationships, their body, and their mind - they're losing everything.  All the losses we could possibly experience in life are joined together in one overwhelming loss when we die..."

This guy was only around 50.  He has three kids.  It's unbelievable.  I called K to tell him he needs to be really careful until he gets back.  Being apart is always hardest in those moments when all I can think of is wrapping my arms around him and not letting him go.  For a very long time.

From an email I recently wrote to my fellow yogis in my very recently former home entitled, "kula withdrawal"

So this Iyengar teacher I found seems pretty good.  We'll call him T.  Although I can definitely see why John Friend thought there was joy missing from the practice, it's very business-like. 

At the end of class on Saturday T said, "Each and every one of you would benefit from re-visiting the Yoga Fundamentals class.  That's not an insult people, it's just the gods' honest truth."  Seemed like an insult.  I'll admit that everyone was a little off.  Like people weren't listening to him.  Myself included. 

I thought he said, "Take your mat to the wall and practice forearm balance."  I did.  He came over a minute later, "Are your wrists bothering you?"  "No," I said.  He said, "Why are you doing forearm balance?"  "That's what you said to do," I said, thinking, like, duh man.  "No, I said FULL arm balance."  Now you ladies tell me, have you ever heard handstand called 'full arm balance'? 

Then I suddenly felt like I was back in class with all of you when he told this one woman, "When I say come out of the pose that means right now!"  Sound familiar?  Awesome.  Even better was this, "People, if you're confused ask me for clarification, DO NOT look at your neighbor to see what they are doing.  That's not very clever." 

Maybe we were all just really, extremely, indescribably tired from the four variatings of vashistasana and the ten rounds of urdva danurasana.  T was apparently trying to destroy us.

I know I know

Facebook Friday never happened this week.  Largely because I've had difficult internet access in the evenings and crazy full days of orientation at this new job of mine.  In the meantime I've had plenty of opportunities to read books on the Metro, but rather less time to follow up with Facebook.  I'm behind.  From today's train reading:

"One of the things that has been especially good for me has been to broaden the idea of struggle.  In the sixties there was this idea that we were supposed to be revolutionary - very serious," she [Assata Shakur] says, making a mock grimace.  "You were supposed to just talk at people, not to people.  You know, so many people that I met in the sixties who were locked into that style of struggle are looking and saying, first of all, it was boring.  You know?  And we do not have a right , in the name of social justice, to bore people to death."

                             ~Adventure Divas, Holly Morris

Two days in

I've been a government employee now for TWO WHOLE DAYS.  Today, on the way back home*, I found myself pondering the extent to which I may be compromising my ideals.  I don't particularly want to compromise my ideals.  On our evening Skype call last night, K reminded me that we knew there would be moments where I would question, seriously, making this move.  But that the only way to really know is to give this opportunity the same gusto I've given every other opportunity.  So here I am, seeing where this goes. 

*I use the term loosely here to refer to the place I am currently sleeping.  Which is lovely.  There is a great running route I've found and the friend I'm staying with happens to really like having people around.

But anxiety has been a life-long friend

We should remember that if a situation cannot be changed, there is no point in worrying about it. If it can be changed, then there is no need to worry about it either, we should simply go about changing it.

–His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama, from The Dalai Lama’s Little Book of Inner Peace (Element)

Facebook Friday

Ok...this week's status updates weren't fabulous.  Summer has apparently set in and even my usual suspects are off their games.  Ah well. 

In good news, I found a yoga teacher that I really like.  He's quite good, I've never taken classes from an Iyengar devotee before.  It's been really enjoyable to go to yoga so much this week.  Especially knowing that I won't have so much freedom in my schedule over the next several weeks.

Enjoy Facebook Friday!

1. Greg is changing his name to Furlough Freddie. Please update your contact records as appropriate.
2. Tina works with a bunch of paper-loving tree-killers. Stop the madness!
3. Mike would like to have less sobriety than he does.
4. Tara is afraid there are people passed out all over my house. Hmmmm.....
5. Meg has "Are You Kidding Me" News:In June, a branch of the National Institutes of Health awarded a $423,000 grant to the Kinsey Institute to find out why men seem to prefer not to use condoms during sex.
6. Jim is pretending the toilet is not backed up. Toilet, did I say? What toilet?
7. Sandy was just informed she is like "a friendlier Dr. Evil."
8. Jack believes the "Some Assembly Required" statement doesn't do justice to my new multimedia bookshelf, some of which I've assembled after four hours of work. Let's just say at one point, I considered as a time-saving alternative chopping down a tree in my backyard and building it from scratch.

Have a great weekend!

Missing my yoga kula

My friend Tracy introduced me to a yoga studio here in DC.  I've already been four times.  I liked it as soon as I walked in.  It felt somehow familiar.  When I met the co-owner I found out why.  He and his wife, the other co-owner, moved here from San Francisco.  When they got here, they missed the West Coast-y yoga culture.  So they set about creating it.  Leaving my yoga community is one of the biggest drawbacks to this move.  And while the new place isn't a replacement, it has been really nice to find a place to practice. 

Back on my bike

I've never been so thankful for my bike helmet.  Also I've never so greatly appreciated the biking culture in Northern California.  Finally I've never been so annoyed by the "no bikes during rush hour" rule on the DC metro system.  Today I picked my bike up from the nice people who reassembled it for me.  Then the nice metro people wouldn't let me come into the station, but didn't tell me why until I begged for them to come out of their little glass room to speak to me.  Then I rode my bike all the way back to Aileen's apartment instead.  Not that it was so far.  On the contrary, it was only a couple of miles.  But I was a bit terrified by the devil-may-care attitude of the drivers toward me on the way.  Sheesh. 

Facebook...Saturday

Here I am! In Washington, DC!  Pretty wild.  Last night my friend dragged me out to a film festival in the park near her apartment.  It's a summer series with a different 'eighties' movie every Friday evening.  I was exhausted, but I did enjoy the Karate Kid.  It was sooooo funny.  I couldn't believe how poorly I remembered it too.  As though I had seen a completely different movie back when it first came out.  Memory is such a funny thing.

Today, my friend Tracy and I spent the day together.  First yoga, and yes I think I found a great studio to practice in! Then lunch.  Then random walking and whatnot.  Then dinner.  Tracy and I worked together in Southern Sudan.  This is the first time we've ever spent time together when we don't have a deadline, med-evacs, staff arrested and in jail, energy crises, security crises or other messes on our hands.  It was lovely. 

Happy Saturday!

1. Matt says Happy Birthday John Calvin. Was it predestined that I would check my 'this day in history widget' just now to find that out?
2. Mel just discovered the malaria preventative we've been taking is "ineffective" and was "discontinued." Seemingly the pharmacist we bought it from was looking to unload.
3. Meg saw that Mel Gibson is cast in a movie about a man who comforts himself by wearing a Beaver Hand Puppet. Jodie Foster is going to play his wife. Seems she would be the one who enjoyed the beaver hand puppet but I didn't write the script.
4. Jack had a lovely morning battling an overflowing toilet and fetching a litter box sample for my cat's vet visit. I consider it cruel and unusual punishment to be saddled with both tasks in the same morning.
5. Renee says woohooo! Eat whatever you want Friday! For breakfast chocolate, then lunch chocolate, and finally for dinner chocolate! Enjoy the end of the week everyone!
6. Jackie gets to go to jail tomorrow! Always an experience!
7. Allie hopes they don't know that they gave her the corner office and the first thing she did was check FB. 

Have a great weekend!

A little pride

I moved out of our house all by myself!  I did it!  Now I get to go spend 10 days in DC with nothing else to do but walk around and read and soak up the relaxation.  I'll even have enough time to find a good yoga studio!  Wish me luck.  Will try to post Facebook Friday tomorrow.  If nothing else I'll post a Facebook Saturday.  See you in DC!